Thursday, June 28, 2007

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Fear of living

His tongue is doing with my judo. Lets go with his teeth and nibbles my lips, then kisses me the rhythm of our moans. He stroked my hair, my hand down on his neck, until it surrounds the throat and the kiss with transport. The sound of the horn brings us back to reality. The traffic light is green. Noises and insults are the soundtrack to another kiss. Go past the junction. She laughs happily. We're good together. I often get distracted from driving to miss in his shining eyes, wet roads from the pleasure and desire. Trails of a land where no man has yet discovered America. I have not gone ahead of India, with a contemptuous joke, his voice warm and authoritative, provokes me. He knows that I can not stop staring at her. Wonder what he thinks in these moments would be like asking why we live. Or why we die. Things they think is not worth the strain their neurons. It 's a moment. A prostitute across the street. Like a cat moves fast, regardless of my steps. I can slow down, ma una 206 nera mi supera invadendo l’altra corsia. Non ha la mia fortuna. Il rumore è assordante, l’impatto grottesco. La prostituta viene aperta letteralmente senza provare piacere. Si spalma sul cofano della 206 come una salsa di sangue e organi su una tartina di lamiera. Le sue gambe si frammentano. Il seno impatta violentemente contro il parabrezza dell’auto nera. Il busto si squarcia vomitando pus e viscere, il collo si spezza come la gamba di una sedia sotto il peso di un obeso, la sua testa dai capelli mori rimbalza via; un’oliva nera che cade da una tartina ripugnante, che un sadico chef di nome Dio ha preparato con cura. La mia ragazza è sotto shock. M’intima di fermarmi, strilla, sbraita. Io non riesco a sentirla. Voglio go away. I do not want to be involved. I will not help anyone. I still drive and slide off into the night. She does not speak, I speak more, the disk? Her eyes are dead ends, bridges still under construction, suspended in air. Slide, slide in the night. Around me the sounds are screams of a mute. I'm tired, I have no strength. The steering is heavy, very heavy, I'm doing a tug of war with Schwarzenegger or Stallone and perhaps I can not win. I am no longer at the top. I want to be incited by my girlfriend. I feel pain. I need her supporters. Excruciating pain. Seeking his eye. The night is clear. I open my eyes. And its fixed. Are swollen, the capillaries have exploded, the corneas are broken leaves in a pool of blood. The eyebrow piercing on the right has injured his cheekbone. Her sweet potato nose peeled. He wanted a long-Rhinoplasty. Cartilage is the bone, a pie with sauce revolting. Her lips are soft hollow airbag, decorated with broken teeth. From its mouth, which I loved for months, out cries of pain. And swore: "Bad ass, what the hell have you done?" The reality is blinding. I turn, I can not see it in this state. My sternum is torn from the tree of the steering, which is based in the abdomen, close guts. My arms no longer respond, the forearms are broken, bent unnaturally. I do not attempt to move the legs, the pantaloni sono lerci, l’intestino si è liberato senza permesso. Piango. Mentre capisco. Il mio corpo si dissangua, rilascia urine, la faringe non impedisce ad un macabro rigurgito di unirsi allo show. Capisco cosa è successo. I miei occhi grondanti per il rimorso si voltano di nuovo verso il mio amore. Ho ripreso conoscenza per assistere a quest’orrore. L’orrore di chi, ha paura di vivere. Ho sempre temuto la morte, più di chiunque altro. Una fottuta fobia. La mia mente si suggestiona e perdo i sensi in un perverso meccanismo d’autodifesa. La prima volta avevo pochi anni. Fu per un incidente d’auto. Come quello di stanotte. Una prostituta dilaniata da una 206 nera intenta a sorpassarmi. Non sono riuscito a togliermela dalla testa. Sono svenuto metri dopo, perdendo il controllo del veicolo e…

E’ buffo come sono lucido in questi lenti istanti. Non posso smettere di fissarla. Sicuro come la morte.

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